Jun/24/2002

Welcome to the new look UnReal Nintendo News: Attack Of The Killer Frames Of Death. No, you're not crazy, I do redesign the entire site every time I update.

A lot has happened since the last URNN update, which has been on hold for 6 months while I was working on failing my latest TAFE course (ironically Website Design, go fig). The most interesting piece of news would probably have to be my new employment at Nintendo Gamer.

Yes, it seems Stephen Farrelly must have seen one of my subtle hints placed strategically around URNN, such as the now debunked stupid hidden link (hmmm, might do another one of these when I need a pay rise).

Well actually, he came across my first news story on Hyperactive 3.1 and thought it was a bit of all right (I have to admit after hearing this I had trouble getting my head through the train doors on the way home). So he decided to give me a go at previewing games for the mag. Naturally when he asked, I played it cool, as this recreation of our email correspondence clearly shows:

 

Stephen: *Looks at story* Hmm, ok, you want a job?

Blake: *Reads email. Prints it out. Places email in frame and hangs it on
wall. Runs around while lying on the floor Homer Simpson style while emitting the "WHOOP" sound in quick succession.* Yeah, maybe, what's that involve then?..

Then Stephen kindly invited me to come and play some Cube and check out the Hyper» offices on the 17th of April. Since I had that date free and wasn't clinically dead, I agreed.

Steve got to the train station late to find me with the "deer in the headlights" look on my face, asking random strangers "do you know where Steve is?" All right, time to make a good first impression. I head towards Steve on the other side of the ticket gates, and place my ticket in the slot and walk through. My ticket doesn't come out the other side..

 

Blake: Hi Steve, nice to meet.. er.. Where the fuck's my $17 dollar return ticket gone?..

Stephen pointed me towards some burly looking guards who were more than happy to open it up and find it for me.

Burly Guard: Doesn't seem to be here..

Blake: Actually, it might have been that one I came through.. *points at gate beside the one we're sorting through now*

Stephen: Yeah, I think it was that one..

This gave us some time to get aquatinted, and he introduced me to his traveling companion named Cam, who apparently writes for some other mag.

At the offices I'm introduced to Kosta, Andy and Bryce, and then head to the gaming area (I found it quite amusing that some giant Xbox posters were being put to good use, taped over the windows) to get my first taste of a GameCube. Since everyone posts their first thoughts about the GameCube, here are mine: I must have been thoroughly prepared for the physical size of the Cube, because it was just the size I was expecting, but those GCN discs, damn they're small.

One of the first games I booted was Stephen's newly imported copy of Resident Evil. I must say, after my first Gaming Rant, this games control scheme was a huge let down, and it didn't help that the giant wide screen TV I was playing it on was about 25 shades too dark, making it impossible to see some of the doors (the remote with the brightness control had been lost). I played some Halo on Xbox just so I could say I did (I'll tell my kids I was at TAFE and everyone experimented back then). Turned to just shooting my teammates after about a minute and a half, as they didn't move so damn fast.

As for the rest of the games I played, you've more than likely read a hundred reviews for them already, so I won't bore you with my two cents. Instead, here's some other stuff that happened:

Blake: I think you should bust Tendo Globe out to two pages!

Kosta: Yeah..

Blake: ..and then let me do both of them!

Kosta: Yeah, that's not gonna be happening.

Blake: Yeah, I'm 21.

Kosta: Funny, talking to you on the net I would have thought you were about 17..

*2 hours later*

Blake: *thinks to self* Wait, that's not a good thing..

Blake: *plays game really crap* Whhhhheeeeeeee hhhhheeee hheeeeeeee..

Kosta: You suck.

I also watched an interesting photo shoot between Kosta and Bryce, the contents of which will haunt me forever, unless they're used for comic effect in Nintendo Gamer in the near future. I even got in some duel TRC/URNN plugging when I tried to show Stephen this hilarious mouseover (now gif) picture I had on TRC announcing my Gamer employment.

Where's Blake working now?

Mouse over the above to find out!

But of course, that mouseover wasn't working at the time because TRC editor Alastair "HappyBob" Craig had gotten mouseover happy and tried to do one of his own, stuffing up both of them.

Blake: No, it does look really good when it's working! I don't know what happened!?..

Stephen: Well, enough looking at this TRC page and its non-working mouseover pictures then.

Blake: *shaking fist in air* A thousand curses on you HappyBob!..

The rest of my time was spent taking notes on how the mag works just in case I was to one day unintentionally push Stephen under a bus and they need someone to step in at short notice, and eating pizza while watching unreleased The Family Guy and South Park episodes on Bryce's PC (obtained 100% legally by someone who doesn't work there I'm sure). I hate to point out how sad my life generally is, but that was one of the (yes, I'm going to bust out some old school lingo here) coolest times of my recent life, and I'd like to thank Stephen Farrelly and everyone I met there for their fine hospitality.

Moving onto other topics, the GameCube was released in Australia on May 17th, and I can assure you I'm the only Gamer employee who doesn't have the cash to buy one anytime soon, and that's not helped by the fact that as of last Thursday I hadn't gotten paid for any of my Gamer previews, but I sorted this out with a quick call to Steve.

 

Blake: Hello, Stephen?

Stephen: Speaking..

Blake: Yeah, Blake here, got the new mag today, looks good, AND WHERE THE HELL'S MY MONEY SHITHEAD?!

Stephen: Excuse me?..

Blake: *bangs handset on tabletop a few times for effect* HELLO, HELLO? ANYBODY HOME? MY MONEY YOU S.O.B! I warn you, Blake has powerful friends, any of which would be more than willing to..

Stephen: Oh, should be in your account tomorrow.

Blake: Oh, well, good. And I'm going to need it in unmarked bills, Blake has powerful enemies, any of which would be more than willing to..

-Blake