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Below this, stupid
The Onion
Resident Evil For GameCube Not A Movie?
Mikami: "It's A Fucking Game, OK?"

Nov/25/2001

Yeah, he's crazy, crazy like a fox.
Shinji Mikami: An insane genius,
or just plain insane?
The gaming world has been buzzing lately with the news that the first movie to be placed on a GameCube disc had started filming. Gamers were hearten to hear that even though the GameCube could not play normal DVD movies progressive company Capcom, who are also in the video games market, were producing a horror movie disc for the system.

It was thought their next project for the system would be a game, but once the first pictures and movies got out people were shocked to see that it was in fact a movie!

And looking at the leaked media, it seems this movie will be based on Capcom's own Resident Evil game for the Playstation, with incredible special effects, cinematic camera angles and eerie, absorbing sets.

Because we all know it's a set, right?!

This one set alone must have taken ages to build.

But last week, rumors started to flow that the movies director, Shinji Mikami, was telling people he was working on a 'game', and had no idea what 'movie' people were talking about.

This brought up some serious questions in the minds of everyone that had been keeping an eye on this project. If he was now working on a game, what was going to happen to all the footage he'd already shot for the movie? And speaking of the game, why hasn't anyone seen pictures of it yet?

To get the low down, I immediately organised a video conference call with Mr. Mikami and my interpreter Houjew Smith. The following conversation has had slight editing for readability, but is otherwise unaltered.

 

Call starts: 1.38pm Australian time.

 

Everyone is introduced, and pleasantries are gotten out of the way.

 

Blake: So let me get right down to it; have you canceled the Resident Evil movie disc to work on a "game"?

Shinji Mikami: Why do people keep asking me this? It's a game.

Blake: Well, while I'm sure playing with peoples emotions might be a game to you sir, everyone else is not so amused.

Mr. Mikami: I'm sorry?..

Blake: That's ok. Let me ask you this; when can we expect some media of this game that's worth canceling a movie disc over?

Mr. Mikami: I'm pretty sure that IGN Cube has had some pictures and movies on it for a while now.

Blake: I don't think so. I check it daily and the only stories on IGN that have anything to do with yourself have been about the movie.

Mr. Mikami: What movie?!

Blake: Oh come on now, I obviously mean the movie based on the Playstation game Resident Evil.

Mr. Mikami: Aaaaa, I see. You seem to think that the game Resident Evil is movie. It is game.

Blake: Excuse me? I'm pretty sure I can tell the difference between a Playstation game and a real time movie thank-you-very-much.

Mr. Mikami: No, not Playstation game. GameCube game.

Blake: Are you saying you're making a Resident Evil game for the GameCube! And you choose URNN to break the news on? IGN kiss my arse!

Mr. Mikami: Err, yeah, sure.

Blake: Is it Resident Evil 4, Zero or a remake of an older one?

Mr. Mikami: They're all coming to the GameCube exclusively you idiot! It was announced a month ago! You even f(edit)king reported it!

Blake: I remember no such report, and I'll ask you to please refrain from placing false links in my stories.

Mr. Mikami: ARRRRRHHH!!!...

Blake: Please calm down Mr. Mikami. I still have some questions I'd like to ask you.

Mr. Mikami: I'm sorry, I've had a stressful week. My apologies.

Blake: No problem, I don't even know how you can handle porting all those games over to the GameCube while filming a live action movie disc too!
Yes, yes I am.
Am I the only one that can tell this is a photo from an
actual movie set?

Mr. Mikami: *grits teeth* I 'm trying to stay very calm now, but I need you to listen very carefully to me..

Blake: You have my full attention.

Mr. Mikami: For some reason I fail to comprehend, you don't seem to understand that I was never working on a movie. I was, and always have been, working on the Resident Evil game for the GameCube. All the media you have seen so far has been for that GAME. Ok?

Blake: I see. So let me get some clarification on this..

Mr. Mikami: Certainly.

Blake: The footage shown so far has been from live action cut scenes taken from the game? Is that what you're implying?

Mr. Mikami: *several large throbbing veins pop up on forehead and eyes begin twitching in an odd manner* The media shown so far, has all been, IN, GAME.

 

At this point in the interview, interpreter Houjew Smith turned to me and said:

 

Houjew Smith: I'm sorry. I didn't get that last bit, I thought he just said all the footage shown had been in game!

Blake: Well of course it's not you idiot. Ask him again.

Houjew: Okey doke.

 

Houjew asked again, but I could tell from the look on his face that he'd gotten the same response.
I'm VERY excited about this game people.
This Hunter has to be done with CG.
I can't see any wires.

 

Houjew: He's quite adamant.

Blake: I seeeeee...

 

Figuring all the stress was obviously starting to get to Mr. Mikami, I decided to avoid any more questions about the game with its "in game footage."

 

Blake: Sooo.. when can we expect the horror movie disc then?

Mr. Mikami: AAARRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I'LL KILL YOU, I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!

 

Mr. Mikami then started violently throwing his body at the monitor, hitting it with his head repeatedly.

 

Blake: Err, Mr. Mikami?..

Mr. Mikami: IT'S A GAME, WHY CAN'T ANYONE UNDERSTAND THAT?! I'M JUST SO GOOD IT LOOKS LIKE A MOVIE, MUHAHAHAHAHAAAAA....

 

One of Mr. Mikami's aids then came in and sedated him, explaining this was the third interview this week where he'd flipped-out because "he was asked about that damn movie disc.."

 

Call ends: 1.46pm Australian time.

 

And there you have it, make of it what you will. I personally - after going over Mr. Mikami's replies to these questions with a fine tooth comb - have absolutely no idea what he's working on at the moment.

URNN wishes Mr. Mikami a quick recovery at Tokyo's Herbal & Health Spa, and success in future projects... whatever the hell they are.

In game footage indeed.

-Blake

 

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